As you read this post, you might be wondering why I’m doing another Q&A session having already done one in my Question Time piece. Well, there are two main reasons; firstly, believe it not, I last did this in 2020 when the world was riddled with Covid and I was on an unintentional hiatus; secondly, those of you who have continued to follow my journey in the ENM lifestyle may have noticed that there have been some shifts in our approach to the ‘Hotwife’ dynamic which I’ll attempt to unpick in this post. Before I begin, I’d like to thank my followers who have sent in these questions for myself (SV) and husband (SS) to answer. Many of the questions overlapped or had similar themes so we have therefore attempted to combine similar questions where possible in order to give this post more coherency.
When did you get started?
SV: We entered the Hotwife lifestyle in early 2018 following a number of open and honest conversations following the very brave revelation from my husband that he had a particular fantasy in which he wanted to watch me have sex with other men. This initial conversation actually occurred in 2017 and it took some time before we had our first experience with a man. We did however, have a fabulous encounter with a woman, something that blindsided me as I had never had anticipated that I would have sex with a woman. You can read more about this experience in my piece, ‘Two’s Company, Three’s Even Better.’ Following this very exciting and exhilarating encounter, we then looked towards finding a potential ‘Bull’ and luckily for us, we didn’t need to look too far as we had a friend who we were able to take the leap of faith with. Following this experience, my Stag then signed us up to AFF (Adult Friend Finder) and many of the encounters that came after can be read about here.
What is the longest time that Vixen has spent away from Stag on an adventure? Would you consider a weekend away with a bull or even a holiday?
SS: The longest that my wife has ever been away from me with a bull has been a single evening. She has gone away and enjoyed herself, keeping me up to date with messages, calls and videos. That said, during her encounter with Ashley Del Toro, she shared two evenings with him back to back, with a morning waking up together thrown in. During this time, I definitely felt that she was on a ‘hotwife holiday’, with all the intoxicating and complex feelings that go along with it. Moving forward, I would love for Secret Vixen to experience a weekend away with a trusted bull.
SV: The question regarding a weekend away is a subject of conversation we have frequently found ourselves discussing. For me personally, it’s something that I would be very keen to do but only with the right Bull; one whom I have known for sometime and my husband would be happy and excited for me to stay with.
How did you initially meet bulls? Has that changed and become easier now that you have more connections with people in the lifestyle?
SV: When we first set out on this journey I personally had great trepidation at the prospect of finding men to make connections with. There are various different platforms out there for finding protentional play partners but with that, there also comes a significant amount of sifting through disingenuous accounts. In my brief experience of using these platforms, I found it to be a tad overwhelming and my Stag quickly took over. We have often joked that he is my ‘Hotwife PA’ but in all honestly, it actually forms a significant foundation for our dynamic. Transparency is a fundamental element in our relationship. If a ‘potential Bull’ is ever to transition into an actual play partner, he needs to accept that the relationship involves all three of us; if there is any incongruity or distrust between any us, then we would not proceed.
I have never been someone to have a one night stand in which, I meet and then fuck a person there and then. For me, part of the excitement for an encounter with a potential bull is the build up and anticipation; something that for me is created through getting to know someone in advance of meeting.
SS: Has it got easier? I’d say that yes in some ways but no in others. We have made some wonderful friends within the lifestyle through social media as well as events, such as those hosted by the bedhoppers and Wanderlust Swingers. Conversely, I have found finding suitable ‘bulls’ more challenging than when we started out. I try to seek out men that will give her new and exciting sexual experiences, and sometimes finding suitable bulls can be difficult. To me, my wife is a goddess. She deserves bulls that are capable of meeting those expectations.
SV: When approaching us, the lead in-line, ‘I’d make a great blog post’ never sits well with me. The intention of the blog was never to parade my experiences but share genuine encounters that might be able to support others who are considering ENM. Sadly, this lifestyle and those similar to is are still seen as taboo and something that individuals such as myself, feel unable to talk openly about with loved ones. One of the main aims of the blog is to provide awareness and information about hotwifing and similar dynamics – we don’t claim to be experts! Therefore, if our writing supports just one person, then we have achieved our aim of helping others. We have often been asked if we would monetise our blog and social media accounts and again, this is not why we began either. As tempting as it is (with our social calendar being far more expensive these days!), we’re not in the lifestyle to make money but fully support those who choose to.
Does Vixen still play with her first bull or with any of the other bulls mentioned in early blogs?
SV: Unfortunately due to distance, I no longer play with the first bull mentioned in this blog but there are others than I have had the pleasure of having multiple encounters with. A future post I am planning to share with you will talk about an occasion where I knew that the ‘date’ I was going on would be our last one and in that, I shall discuss the feelings and impact this had not just on me, but everyone involved. Setting out on this journey, Secret Stag and I always knew that there would be occasions where relationships would come to an end through our choice or circumstances beyond our control (Covid or Bulls settling down to name but a few) and this is something we will discuss in greater detail at another time.
Would Vixen consider a boyfriend bull?
SS: From my point of view, the idea of Vixen having a ‘Bullfriend’ is something that would interest me. I love the idea of my wife having the freedom to explore her sexual desires with other men on a regular basis. Her having a regular lover is something we both enjoyed previously, so I would be excited for her to take this that one step further.
Is it fair to say that Vixen now has a preference for black bulls? Are all her new encounters with black men?
SV: Recently I have often been asked if I’m a ‘Queen of Spades.’ For those of you who may not be up to speed with terms linked to the hotwife/cuckolding dynamic, a QoS describes a woman who has an exclusive preference for sleeping with black men. Whilst my most recent publicised encounters have been with black ‘bulls,’ I do not label myself as a QoS as my preference for potential lovers is not based on the colour of their skin. My selection is instead based on an initial social connection that spawns from similarities in interests and good conversation. Over the last few months, it just so happens that the men who have been of interest to my husband and I, through their charm and charisma have been black men.
Do you plan on being guests speakers on more podcasts?
SV: Secret Stag and I have been very honoured to appear on different podcasts which you can find links to here. It is not for us to say whether we plan to appear on any Podcasts in the future as that decision isn’t down to us. However, we are both always happy to talk about our dynamic and experiences. As we’ve said time and time again, we don’t profess to being experts, we simply share what we have learnt through our own encounters.
How do you deal with jealousy?
SS: People often ask how I can be at peace with my wife fucking other men and how can I be ok knowing that she is giving them pleasure that she could be giving to me? How does that not make me jealous? The truth is that I do experience jealousy. However, the key for me is how the jealousy that I feel is channelled. The jealousy drives my sexual desire. Seeing the woman I love become a wanton vixen with other men is intoxicating and the better the lover, the more pleasure she receives, the more powerful I find the experience.
How do you get used to not seeing or having any control when Vixen is on an adventure?
SS: The answer is simple; you don’t. However, this isn’t necessarily a negative. I relish the thrill of not knowing what my wife is up to during her adventures. I enjoy being given just enough (through videos etc) to allow my mind to fill in the blanks.
Question to Secret Vixen do you allow him to have sex with other women?
SV: If you’ve followed this blog from the very beginning (thank you if you have!), you may remember that one of my first ‘conditions’ was that I didn’t want my husband to play with other women. However, this rule didn’t last long. In fact, it was broken in our first encounter! When I initially expressed this stipulation during our first discussion, I can only assume that it came from a place of tradition; in which I was a married woman and had never imagined that my husband would sleep with another woman whilst happily married. It wasn’t until I was put in a scenario in which there was another woman in a ‘play’ situation that I realised I was in fact ok with him interacting with him. I use the word ok rather than happy as it wasn’t something I necessarily sought out for my own pleasure. I was actually focused on the woman receiving pleasure! As a result of my own sexual inexperience with women, I was aware of my inability to bring her to climax. What can I say – I’m a people pleaser and I wanted her pleased!
At this point in our journey, we’ve met some wonderful couples and have both delighted in the encounters.
Are you going to explore cuckolding?
SS: When Secret Vixen and I sat down to answer this question we found it difficult to answer this in simple terms and the response became its own blog post! Therefore, on this occasion, we’re going to say ‘pass’ but watch this space!
Secret Stag once had a dream of having a hotwife, which has worked out very well for you both. What are your current fantasies for each other?
SV: Does Secret Stag providing me with a night in the company of Geralt of Rivia count?
SS: I should say that I always feel very grateful that my wife has been so open to this lifestyle. She took my hotwife fantasy and made it her own. I never want to sound greedy as I know that all we have experienced together is already way beyond anything I had dared to hope for pre-lifestyle.
So where next? For me it would be seeing my wife with multiple men, all focused on her. We have had moments and glimpses of what this might be like in the adventures we have already had, but never a full ‘gangbang’ so to speak. That, for me is something I would like my wife to experience.
SV: I stand by my first comment – can Geralt be involved? If so, then I’m in!
What one thing would you like to see change the most within the Lifestyle?
SV: I would love for the stigma of Hotwifing and other ENM dynamics to disappear. Whilst in some ways the secrecy is exciting, I wish I could be more open with my friends about the lifestyle. The often negative depictions and resulting misconceptions in the media and people’s own beliefs can sometimes create a sense shame; something that should not be experienced.
If you could change one thing about your overall journey, what would it be? Also, what are your go to karaoke songs?
SS: If I could go back and change one thing it would be to slow down and listen to my wife more. When I found out that she was interested in pursuing the lifestyle, I allowed it to consume all of my thoughts. My excitement and over-enthusiasm became unhealthy. In fact, I almost ruined things completely by not listening to my wife, pushing too hard and not allowing her the time and space to process things. Even now, I can get a little ahead of myself but we’ve both become better at communicating to ensure that we’re on the same page.
My ‘go to’ karaoke song: Total Eclipse of the heart with the delightful Mrs H of the bedhoppers – sorry wife!
SV: The one thing I would change would be the enforced ‘hiatus’ that we had to endure as a result of Covid-19. Obviously I wish the pandemic hadn’t happened for greater reasons than those linked with ENM! At the start of 2020, we were still on our high from our trip to New York and we had cultivated a number of relationships with different Bulls which were going really well. When Covid struck, this all came to sudden halt and for most of those relationships, they sadly came to an end for a number of reasons. When we eventually came out of lockdown, it essentially felt as though we were back at the start of our journey and with that, the insecurities and lack of self-confidence came back.
Lifestyle-wise, the pandemic wasn’t all doom and gloom. I’m very grateful for the relationships that we did develop during this time during the many Zoom catch-ups and quizzes we participated in; something I wouldn’t change!
My ‘go to’ karaoke song: Anything Disney/Musical theatre/Avril Lavigne – I have very eclectic taste in music.
Mount Rushmore of Wrestling
SV: Hogan, Undertaker, The Rock, Jericho
SS: Flair, Michaels, Austin, The Rock
Why aren’t you guys in Australia
SV: Sadly our roots are very much in the UK. We’d love to visit though! #HotwifeOnTour
Secret Vixen 