Q&A

I was recently asked to take part in an interview with the incredible creators of the website, Wanderlust Swingers for their monthly newspaper. It was so much fun, I decided to share the discussion with you. If you have any questions that you would like to ask me, send them to secret-vixen@outlook.com, or post them below.

Tell us a bit about yourself;

I like to think of myself as being a ‘normal’ woman; I’m in my early 30s, happily married, have kids, a menagerie of pets and am a professional, I just have a ‘hobby’ that would raise a few eyebrows along with other body parts. My husband and I ventured into the LS a little over a year ago but it was something that he had been wanting to do for several years prior. After he finally built up the courage to share his fantasy with me, we decided to dip our toes in the water by playing with a friend, before taking the plunge and playing with Bulls we met through dating websites. Unfortunately, due to the nature of the LS, I have been unable to share my adventures with my friends which I found difficult as I needed a channel that wasn’t my husband to talk to. I therefore decided to write a blog. Why not write a private diary you may ask? I chose the medium of blogging as I wanted people to be able to respond and share their thoughts about my accounts and having been unaware of the LS up until last year, I wanted to offer an opportunity for people considering Hotwifing to get in contact and ask questions. I joined Twitter as it soon became apparent that my blog wasn’t going to find readers without me promoting it somehow but through Twitter, I was also able to meet likeminded individuals and was thrilled to see that this LS is far more common than I had ever imagined.

Do you identify as non-monogamous? Share your journey with us;

Up until this moment, I would always have said I was monogamous as I’ve always been in committed relationships where we were exclusive to one another. This is where for me, the lines between monogamy and polyamory became a little blurred, for I am emotionally monogamous but I am sexually non-monogamous. When venturing into the LS, my husband and I set out clear expectations about what we deemed to be acceptable and unacceptable with the main thing being an agreement on the importance of communication and inclusion. Personally, this isn’t a cuckolding situation in which he is denied or humiliated, he is included, not necessarily always having to be physically present when I meet my Bulls but does require at the very least pictures and videos. 

What was the biggest hurdle for you joining the Lifestyle and why?

For me the biggest hurdle has been not being able to share my ‘adventures’ with my nearest and dearest. Initially, it was very lonely as I only had my husband to talk to and it began to dominate our conversations. Whilst communication is such an important factor for us, the constant conversations were a struggle as I felt like the idea of Hotwifing was taking over every discussion we had; I needed to speak with someone other than my husband.

Joining Twitter was a significant game changer for me, as it opened the world of Hotwifing up to me and introduced me to likeminded people making me realise that there is a whole community out there and its reach is far greater than I ever imagined. Realising this has made me feel less of a ‘weirdo’ and whilst I still can’t share my experiences with my friends, I have now formed a number of friendships with people I’ve met through my blog and social media. 

How do you think the LS will be approached by society in years to come?

In terms of the Stag, Vixen and Bull dynamic of Hotwifing, I feel there will be greater awareness of the lifestyle and perhaps some acceptance of it in the not so distant future. I can only speak from my experiences in the UK, where recently a spotlight has been placed on non-monogamous relationships through a TV documentary. Whilst this may not have been an entirely flattering take on the lifestyle, it did initiate conversations about it and therefore a created a greater awareness of its existence. I personally believe that awareness can lead to intrigue and a desire for exploration and in doing so, will lead to an increase in the number of people experimenting with the LS.

What is your favourite sex position and why?

For me it has to be riding on top of a lover where I can control the speed and depth of him inside me. I’m not fussy as to whether he is sitting, or laying down but I’m almost always guaranteed to orgasm in this way as long as the man can hold out for the duration – sadly not all of them can 

Do you have any resources or recommendations for people in the LS to check out? (Blogs, Posts, Articles, Sites, Books, Podcasts etc)

Apart from plugging my own blog (secretvixen.blog) which I don’t profess to have all the answers to as I’m still quite green to the LS, there are so many incredible podcasts to listen to out there such as Wanderlust Swingers, Bedhoppers, Keys and Anklets and Bulls and Queens. For me personally, Twitter has been wonderfully enlightening as I have made so many connections through this and would even go as far as to say made friends too.