17. Hiatus

Having seen in the new year across the pond in New York, 2020 seemed to hold such promise. We arrived back in the UK with a spring in our step following an unforgettable trip and we were excited for the encounters we had planned ahead. Covid however, brought everything to a standstill – including this blog!

In the early stages of the UK’s first lockdown, I had grand plans to share several encounters with you and even set to work on a piece – one of which is still in its’ draft form! The simple truth is, I had lost my writing mojo and I was finding little enjoyment from it. The process of documenting my encounters was normally one that I found great pleasure in but with every word I typed, it was just another reminder that I was confined to my home. Don’t get me wrong, I loved being at home with my family. For once, the British weather was working in our favour but so many wonderful engagements had been postponed or sadly cancelled and at the time, there was no end in sight. As we settled further into lockdown, Secret Vixen took a step back and went into a period of hibernation.

Photo by Skylar Kang on Pexels.com

As it did for so many others, Zoom and other platforms provided us with a virtual social life and we took part in many quizzes and catch-ups with friends and family. We often joked that we actually ‘saw’ more of some family members than we did pre-Covid! Our Twitter presence kept us connected to the friends we had made since entering the lifestyle and when we were invited by the ‘bed hoppers‘ to join in a virtual get together, we jumped at the chance!

We were eager to meet new people but it soon dawned on us that we would be literally showing our faces for the first time to people who we had conversed with online but had never met in person. This realisation excited and terrified me at the same time. I started to experience the same anxieties I had when meeting a ‘Potential’ for the first time; would they like me? Would I come across ok? Would they like what they saw? I could almost feel Secret Vixen stirring from her slumber and it was thrilling.

In terms of ‘Ethical Non-Monogamy,’ my husband and I have always considered ourselves to be on the ‘Hotwife’ path. This means that I am free to explore my sexuality with others whereas my Stag, chooses to remain monogamous. As shared on this blog and social media, we have at times tested these boundaries when opportunities have arisen but we would still consider our dynamic to fall within that of the Hotwife lifestyle. As we were about to log on to the video call, I found myself wondering how I would fit in with the ‘swinging’ couples who I was about to spend an evening with. The short answer is, we had a wonderful time! Although our sexual preferences may have differed to one another, our conversation flowed easily (along with the drinks!) and it was fascinating to hear the shared stories of each couple’s experiences within their own dynamics. It didn’t hurt either that they were all very pleasing to look at! One virtual meet-up led to another and we soon found it to be a fairly regular occurrence within our lockdown and became more relaxed and flirtatious with each sitting. These evenings provided a well needed respite from the monotony of a Covid world and Stag and I are both so grateful to those involved for allowing us to join!

As the end of the first lockdown approached, it was hard to believe that we had yet to meet the couples from the online conversations in person, so plans were arranged to meet up in the real world, when restrictions permitted. September rolled around and we were finally able to step out of the virtual world and meet the bedhoppers.

Although Covid restrictions had lifted a little, we were naturally a little cautious at the prospect of meeting people from outside our ‘bubble,’ so we arranged to have lunch together. As we had agreed on a location somewhere between us, we had a fair drive to undertake to get there so we decided to listen to the recent episode from the bedhoppers podcast. Listening along as we travelled, we were reminded of our limited experience with couples and whilst we knew that there were no expectations for the day, we couldn’t help but feel a little intimidated by the confidence and experience that our soon to be lunch dates exude from the show. The growth in confidence I had experienced during my time in NYC had unfortunately been ebbed away by the impact of Covid. Furthermore, the lockdown’s impact on my waistline meant that my self-confidence was very low. I was desperately trying to channel Secret Vixen but she still hadn’t risen from her slumber.

As we approached the restaurant, my nerves started to get the better of me and the warmth of the late summer had left me feeling a little flustered. My Stag, being the ever doting husband that he is, lavished me with compliments and reassuringly squeezed my hand. He was the first to spot them and as we greeted one another, the familiarity of their voices instantly washed over me and the nerves succumbed to excitement. MrH had an infectious energy that instantly drew me in and MrsH greeted us with her mischievous yet warm smile that put both of us at ease. We entered the restaurant and I was the first to be seated and was surprised but not disappointed, when MrH took the seat beside me. Stag took the seat opposite and was joined by MrsH. We were fortunate in the fact that we were the only diners in the restaurant which allowed the conversation to run freely and uncensored.

The topics of discussion were eclectic but what struck me the most was the ease in which we conversed. Although this was our first meeting, it felt as though we had done this many times before. What also struck me, was the clear mutual attraction between my husband and the lovely MrsH. For the first time in our journey, I was experiencing a little role reversal; I was the voyeur and I didn’t mind it! My mind began to wonder where this blossoming friendship may eventually lead us, as it was clear we were all comfortable in one another’s company. This potential new path, along with the physical attraction I was feeling towards both of them, caused a stir in Secret Vixen.

As our plates were cleared away and our wine glasses emptied, I realised that a sense of disappointment was beginning to wash over me. A disappointment not in the meal we had just consumed or in the company that we were presently in, but in the realisation that we would soon be required to leave.

When the time to part inevitably arrived, we spoke of plans to meet again but the unpredictable nature of the Covid world, gave us little remedy for our feelings of dismay at the prospect of returning to our little bubble. I wish we had granted ourselves more time with the bedhoppers by arranging a longer term of childcare. I wish we hadn’t decided upon a destination that ate into a large chunk of our time with them. I wish we didn’t have to go home just yet. Sadly there was no genie to grant these wishes so we said our goodbyes and made for the car.

The return journey was a very different atmosphere to our earlier one. Gone were the nerves and the feeling of trepidation. In their place was a feeling of equal frustration and intrigue. Frustration that we hadn’t been able to spend more time with them and intrigue at what could have happened if we had. On the way to our lunch we had listened to their podcast to while away the journey but now, on our return home, conversations of ‘ifs’ and ‘whens’ filled the car. If Secret Vixen had been stirring during the meal, she was now wide awake.