1. My Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

As I danced the night away with my university friends (circa 2007) to Scouting For Girls’ She’s So Lovely, the lyrics “She’s flirty, turned thirty and that’s the age a girl gets really dirty” blared out of the speakers. Never in my wildest dreams did I think, that fast forward a decade, those ‘eloquently’ put words would so aptly describe me; a married woman with two young children. My thirties have indeed ignited a passion that, up until now, laid dormant awaiting the right spark. That ‘spark,’ being my husband encouraging me to sleep with other men…


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My husband and I met, as many couples do, at university and have been happily married since 2011. We’ve never really argued, not even over what to watch on the television. Yet one night, as we were falling asleep, he told me, out of no where, that he wanted me to sleep with other men. Questions such as “does he not love me anymore?” and “is he telling me this to ease a guilty conscience?” raced through my mind in the darkness of the bedroom. Had I done something wrong? Our youngest at the time was only a year old and I quickly tried to recall the number of times my husband and I had been intimate in that time. Perhaps he had strayed? Perhaps it was my lack of libido that had led him to seek attention elsewhere? These thoughts were swiftly dismissed almost as as soon they had appeared in my mind, as I trusted him completely and knew he would never do such a thing to hurt me. Surely something wasn’t quite right with us?

Although I could barely see my husband’s face in the pitch black of our bedroom, I could sense that it was as uncomfortable for him to share his desire, as it was for me to hear it. By telling me his deepest, darkest secret, he was taking an immeasurable risk. We continued to talk and it soon became clear that this was something that had been tormenting him for some time. So why had he decided to share it with me at this particular moment? It turned out it was my fault but not in the way that I had thought.

Since having children, my self-esteem had hit rock bottom. Whilst I adored my kids and being a mum, I had come to dislike the person I now saw in the mirror. Where had the physically confident, slim yet athletically built woman gone? I no longer felt particularly sexy and had come to believe that I was only attractive to my husband. It soon came to light, in the darkness of our room, that I was wrong.

Unbeknownst to me, I was not the first to learn of my husband’s unusual kink. He had in fact confided in one of my oldest and most trusted friends, resulting in another secret being shared. There was someone, other than my husband, who physically wanted me. Learning that another man wanted to have sex with me, aroused me in a way I had never experienced before. My husband, having noticed the change in atmosphere, continued to share the personal opinions that our friend had of me. With each new revelation, I became more and more turned on. My libido had gone from non-existent to salacious in an instant. As my husband continued to share the conversations he had had with our friend about me, we began to have sex unlike any in recent years. There was a passion, almost animalistic, that had come over us both. As we had sex, my mind was racing as I imagined the exact situation being played out, not with my husband but with his best friend. For the first time in a long time, we were not just making love; I was being fucked and I liked it!